Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
