You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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