I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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