i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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