can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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