Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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