Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
