thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
