that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
