Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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