1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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