My underwear smells like fireworks.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I don't deserve a penis
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
