nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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