That's when you crack a 10am beer
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
