he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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