Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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