Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
