Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
