I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Randomize
