There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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