pedialite and red bull = repair kit
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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