Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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