Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
