I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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