he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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