Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
