I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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