I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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