I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
