So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
