she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
