Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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