He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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