Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Come on in and take your pants off
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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