in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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