she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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