@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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