i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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