either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
