she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Send help, water and tortillas.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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