Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
