to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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