I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
