I showed him my bush... on skype.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
