I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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