sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
