garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
