Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
