To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
