i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
