Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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