the condom got lost in my hair
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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