She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
