I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
