She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
