I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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