How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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