just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
