Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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