No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
