in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
