if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
