I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Randomize
