I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
