Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
