I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
they need to just BURY HIM!
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
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Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
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There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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