He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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